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3 Ways To Support Your Husband

July 10, 2018

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Let’s be honest, men are needy. Why else would God have needed to create Eve? We are their emotional support and their prettier half. God created us to compliment our husband, fitting in with God’s plan for our marriage. We each have vital roles for the success of marriage and neither one is less than the other.  Though God created women because he saw that man should not be alone (Gen. 2:18), it certainly doesn’t diminish a man’s value. They are the head of the family just as Christ is the head of the church. Men have invaluable duties given to them that we are simply not created for. And that’s okay! As heads of house they are the decision makers, the stabilizers and the ones who are called to provide for their families (Eph. 5:29) (though never does it say women CAN’T work). God created men and women to be complimentary, each with their own role.

With a husband at the head of a house it is his responsibility to make decisions for his family. This responsibility is no small task and can have deep and impactful consequences, both good and bad. In either good or bad it is important that we demonstrate our support. The daily decisions our husband makes leads to 2 outcomes; success or failure. And the way in which we react to them is a clear demonstration of our heart. In Proverbs 31: 12 King Lemuel wrote “She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life”. Both our speech and actions can either bring good or harm to our husband, and in a Christian marriage it is important that we strive to bring good. But how? Does this mean we make him dinner, wash his laundry or even darn his socks?  We can bring good to our husband by showing our support in 3 ways:

When we are in agreement with our husband

Supporting him through a mistake (Galations 6:2)

Submitting to him when his decision goes against our will (Ephesians 5:22)

Being in agreement with your husband

The easiest moment for us to support our husband is when we are in agreement.

“Yes, that restaurant sounds perfect for dinner”

“Absolutely, this is a great financial investment”

“I agree, it’s time to look for a new job”

It certainly is a much simpler task to support our husband in a moment when we agree with his motives and perspective. In marriage, this is a wonderful example of the unity we often seek. Becoming one to many couples before marriage is often assumed to be of one mind. While this should be true of our minds being unified and rooted in God, it does not always turn out that way.

Coming alongside your husband

Have you ever experienced a situation in which your husband made a mistake that led to negative consequences? In those moments it is hard to think with a grace giving heart. Anger quickly abounds and hateful speech seems justifiable. But in a recent Bible Study I was convicted of my own spiteful mind when I heard a story from one of the other ladies.

One of the women told us briefly of a situation in her marriage years ago. Without much detail she told us that her husband had made a huge mistake in a decision that ended up costing them financially. She knew that she could react in 1 of 2 ways, anger or love. Though she was angry, she chose to react in love. When she came to him about his mistake she simply said “Ok, this happened, it has left us in a mess, but we need to focus now on how to get through it together“. Rather than chastising him, or allowing her anger to rule her words, she simply took the matter as it was and promised to stand next to him as they worked through his mistake together.

This Godly woman took Galations 6:2 and applied it directly to her marriage in support of her husband; “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ“. In our marriage we should always want what is best according to the scripture for our husband. This means that even in situations when he may have buried himself in an incredibly poor decision, we don’t point and say “Well, sucks to suck! Good luck fixing that one”. God specifically calls us to come up next to him, and support our husband through his mistakes, as promised in our vows “through good times and bad”. The good and bad aren’t conditional based on offensive party, if one is experiencing bad, then both together as one will experience the bad. It is our calling as a wife to aid our husband in his time of need.

Ways to support through a mistake

When coming alongside your husband in light of a mistake or choice that led to negative consequences it’s important that we are physically, emotionally and spiritually there for them. This could be a hug, consoling and wise words, prayer and counsel. Proverbs 31:26 instructs that a noble woman “speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue“. We are also warned in Ecclesiates 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools“. As a supportive wife (as is our calling according to God’s word) our words should be of wisdom, not folly, contempt or selfishness.

  • Offer your husband prayer– Pray over him and with him. Ask God for guidance and to see His plans through.
  • Encourage him to seek mentorship– We are not the only support system for our spouse, and we do not have all the answers. Encourage your husband to seek mentorship and fellowship during a difficult time. Others may have insight we as wives don’t possess. Mentorship can be found various forms: one one one, small group, Bible study, counsel or amongst friends. The most important reminder is to always encourage your spouse to seek counsel from grounded and Spirit led mentors or friends.
  • Point to God- In everything and anything, base your words, thoughts and actions directly on God’s word. His word will never result in emptiness.

Submitting to your husband

One of the most taken out of context scriptures is that of Ephesians 5:20 “Wives submit to your husband”. Often this is misled to believe that women are lesser than their male counterpart, but this couldn’t be more far from the truth. Submission in marriage is simply respecting your husband as the head of the house, such as Christ is the head of the church (Eph. 5:23). It takes an incredibly strong women to humble herself in this way, and humility is a difficult attribute to practice. It certainly becomes more difficult in moments when we are called to support our husbands when they make a decision directly against our personal view of a matter.

Imagine your husband has come to you, seeking your counsel as his wife. He explains to you the decision he needs to make and all the scenarios that come along with it. You give him your wise and Biblical answer and feel that should persuade him to choose according to what you think is best. Time comes to make a decision, and your husband directly defies your opinion with a decision of his own.

This scenario may ring too true with your marriage. Perhaps this happens often, and over time you feel your words are simply meaningless. In this situation you may feel betrayed, angered and view his actions as disloyal. But although you may not agree with his choice, as his wife, you are still called to support and submit to his decision (Eph. 5:20). Certainly easier said than done! As is everything that God calls us to. But God has purpose for your husband being the head of your home, and when we are not supportive of that role, we begin to prioritize our plans over God’s.

No one ever said marriage was easy! And if they did, THEY LIED. But when we pledge ourselves to unite with our husband in marriage, something beautiful happens. Not only do we get to live with that person, share their bed, but we also get to rejoice with them in their successes! That beauty is magnified when we are called in faith to trust our husband, and support him even in moments we disagree with his decisions. In a Christ like posture we come alongside our husband, helping to carry his burdens and neglecting the anger we may be fighting.

We were created for a wonderful purpose. God saw that man should not be alone and created woman to be by his side. So next time your husband makes a disastrous decision, goes against your will or royally screws up, remember that it is support you are called to give, and through that you will demonstrate the beautiful and unconditional love of Christ.

Blessings,

 

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6 Comments

  • Kate Findley

    July 11, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    While I don’t agree with everything in this post, I DO agree that you should act with love and kindness towards your partner even when he/she makes bad decisions. In fact, this is true for all relationships. It reminds me of A Raisin in the Sun when Walter squanders his sister’s college savings on a failed business deal. Even though his sister is furious at first, eventually she realizes that forgiveness is the right path.

    1. beingmrsmcintosh

      July 12, 2018 at 1:32 am

      Thanks so much for your feedback Kate! I’d love to hear more about what it is you don’t agree with, just to make sure I am not incorrectly portraying God’s word.

  • SHONDRA MCKOY

    July 11, 2018 at 8:50 pm

    I love your post

    1. beingmrsmcintosh

      July 12, 2018 at 1:32 am

      Thank you Shondra!

  • Kesha

    July 11, 2018 at 10:12 pm

    Great post not too many people understand this these days! I’m definitely sharing and would love to repost as well with your permission.

    1. beingmrsmcintosh

      July 12, 2018 at 1:33 am

      Thank you Kesha, I would be thrilled to have you share and repost this! Thanks so much for taking the time to read this post.

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