Have you ever read Song of Solomon? Talk about romantic! This book of the Bible really highlights the feelings of love and intimacy within a relationship and makes my heart flutter. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine” verse 2. Oh, swoon! It’s surprising that the Bible would contain such sensual verses, but demonstrates the need for desire in marriage.
Desire is a concept actually taught to us throughout the entire Bible and appears from the beginning of time. The entire reason God created us was in a desire to share in His goodness. Jesus came as the official sacrifice because God desired for us to be with Him in His kingdom. Righteous desire is a beautiful concept, and something a couple should absolutely strive for in marriage.
Desiring your husband
Desire as shown to us through the Bible is the wanting or longing for another in a righteous and loving way. This form of desire is long gone from the secular world. With pornography infiltrating music, movies, television and books desire has been transformed into a carnal image. And unfortunately the idea of desire designed by God for a husband and wife has been open to non- committal one night stands and casual experiences. But God’s desire for us in our marriages is love over lust.
In Song of Songs, desire is a constant theme. The language of beauty, intimacy and passion creates a wonderful model for a Christian marriage. It’s important though to understand that a marriage relationship is not contingent on intimacy and passion or even the butterflies of love. The crux of any Christian marriage should be Christ. When we replace God as the center of our marriage with these other things, it’s easy to find marriage hanging in the balance.
Feelings ebb and flow, they’re like a tide and always changing. Some days passion is easy, while others passion is practically non-existent. God however never changes, which makes him the only rock on which our marriages should be built. Passion and intimacy don’t pull us towards God, rather they are an outflow of God being the center of our marriages, and only he can draw us together.
The model of marriage
If you’ve ever taken a marriage or premarital course, then the Biblical model of marriage might be familiar to you. The concept is often taught as a triangle, with God at the top, while the husband and wife are parallel corners of the triangle. As they each strive for God in their personal lives their marriage naturally gravitates towards one another and Christ. It’s a beautiful image of how desiring Christ deepens a marriage relationship and highlights the fact that God alone is what a marriage should be focused on.
God→ Spouse→ Self is the Biblical order in which we are called to prioritize our lives when married. We know that God is the center of a Christian marriage, but what many tend to struggle with is putting their spouse above themselves. After a long day at home with Ezra, I often find it really unmotivating to go out of my way for Clay. I tend to justify my laziness with excuses of “He’s got 2 arms, he can do it himself“. I allow my selfishness to replace my husband in my marriage.
This is such a mistake that I am constantly making, and it not only effects me, it effects my obedience to God to be the wife He has called me to be. My disobedience is sinful, and puts a wedge in between me, God and my husband.
Dating your spouse
Dating your spouse is certainly not the cure-all for marital laziness, but it definitely is a step towards embracing the relationship that God has called you to. The idea of dating your husband is to give a concerted effort to your marriage. Going out of your way to demonstrate that you care deeply for your husband and showing him that you know your marriage is important enough for the effort.
So here are 20 tips for dating your husband, keeping things fresh, fun and exciting. Maintaining your focus and desire on the marriage God called you to!
20 Tips for Dating Your Husband
- Make his favorite meal
- Encourage him
- Flirt (you remember how, right?)
- Be spontaneous
- Schedule weekly ‘Date Nights’ (Read 50 Creative Dates for Married Couples)
- Pray Together
- Be in the Word Together
- Pay him compliments
- Know his love language (Take the quiz here)
- Say yes to sex (yuuup, even if you’re tired)
- Listen to him
- Be present in the moment
- Limit your complaints & nagging
- Set aside 10 minutes a day for each other, no distractions
- Give him space
- Get to know each other again (games like 20 questions!)
- Surprise him with a gift, letting him sleep in or extra 20 minutes on video games
- Pray for him
- Dress up for him every once in a while
The purpose of dating is not to relive the beginning of your relationship, but it is to keep alive those feelings of desire you experience early on. Laziness, selfishness and lack of placing God in the forefront are total marriage killers. So take a page from Song of Songs, and remember that “My beloved is mine and I am his” Song of Songs 2:16. Your marriage is more than paper, or even a ceremony. It’s the commitment to the covenant you made together before God, and continuing to pursue your husband is a key element to a Christ-like marriage.