Speak Your Spouses Love Language

love languageLove languages are a common focal point in many relationships. Are you acts of service, gifts, touch, time or words of affirmation? It’s my personal belief that every person is a little of each, although I am mostly time. I enjoy my time with Clay, though during the week we don’t get the opportunity to see each other a ton, particularly Sunday evenings through Tuesday night. I leave for teaching before he wakes, and I’m usually asleep by the time he gets home. So on those days, time isn’t much of an option.

Coping with the lack of time we spend together at the beginning of the week has been a hurdle we’ve learned to overcome. Having realistic expectations of what time we have and how we spend it is vital. But because I believe we are all a little of each love language Clay and I have adapted to other techniques to demonstrate affection, primarily words. Months ago I started a habit of writing love notes in the mornings before work, leaving them in places I know Clay will find them while he’s getting ready for work. The bathroom sink, his sock drawer, pants pocket, key holder, etc. Usually these notes convey a brief and heartfelt message “Good morning handsome! I hope you slept well, have a great day at work!”. Sometimes the notes are a little more sensual, knowing he’s the only one to see them. I’ve come to realize that it’s not the sentiment itself that makes the difference, it’s the concept of telling him that I thought of him before anything else. That 30 seconds it takes to write a note isn’t going to make me late for work, or prevent me from finishing my morning routine; but that note may be the one primary thought Clay meditates on to help him through a rough day at work.


The best part of leaving notes is when you start receiving them, even if it’s seldom.
love note 2This morning I teared up because he left me a note last night for me to find this morning. It truly was so meaningful to me, and something I keep revisiting in my mind because of how wonderfully valued it makes me feel. Knowing that last night while I was sleeping he took the time to leave me two separate notes and a treat to find gives me butterflies.

The small flirtations of dating still exist and manifest themselves in new ways in our marriage. We may not be able to speak each other’s love languages all the time, but that’s the exciting part of marriage, it’s ever changing. For now, I’ll stick to love notes, twix and all. 

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