Time stops, chores pile up, food collects in your fridge from visitors and apparently trying to blog is futile. Being a mom is crazy, awesome, challenging and thankless. With a three week old I sometimes feel more like a walking food supply than a person; but when he is falling asleep on my arms, or snuggling with daddy my heart completely melts. These are the moments I know are fleeting and so cherished it makes me want to cry thinking they wont last forever (okay it might also be my hormones).
Along with the beauty of motherhood there also exists this unending to do list, whether it’s the laundry that has been sitting in the dryer for a day or the dirty dishes in the sink. There aren’t many moments to have by yourself, the days of waking up and leisurely enjoying a cup of tea are a thing of the past. Now I have a two hour alarm clock, poopy diapers, not enough onesies and pee flying in my face. Every second there is something to be done. With the mayhem of adjusting to being a mother I need to also remind myself that before I was a mother I was first a wife and the duties of being a wife cannot be abandoned or buried under feeding times, chores or diapers.
Though my son is one of the most important people in my life my husband is still just as much of a priority. I think a common misconception in today’s society is that when you have a child your life revolves solely around that person. Unfortunately this is why so many couples face emotional distance after having a baby. They lose one another in the chaos. What is meant to be a multiplication of love becomes a division. Amidst parenthood there also needs to be daily time for each other. Making the time is challenging, some days are easier than others, but taking the initiative to spend time with your husband demonstrates to him that you care.
Take the time to speak their love language. Clay’s love language is touch and though right now we are physical limited by my recovery from labor I try to speak his language as best I can. I offer massages to him, hold his hand, sleep close to him at night. I don’t have to make our time together elaborate, but I do need to make sure it exists. My husband is my best friend and I promised him over a year ago that nothing would change that. It all comes back to the idea that marriage is work. It is hard, and contrary to what many people believe children do not make it easier.
The late nights, crying baby and added stress are opportunities for couples to support each other, put their spouse before themselves and go out of their way to demonstrate love. Clay’s attitude and actions have been a constant reminder of how a husband truly lays down his life for his wife; completing chores I didn’t have to ask him to do, taking the baby when he can tell I’ve had enough, loving me unconditionally and loving our son more than words could express.
This is what marriage is, equally yolked, working together, being there physically and emotionally for one another. I am incredibly blessed to say that is my marriage, that is my life and that is being Mrs. McIntosh.