Life is full of catch 22’s, sacrifices and unknown obstacles. Right now my husband and I are experiencing a slight kink in what we thought was a flawlessly, smooth plan. He works full time as a bartender and provides the means for our family while I stay at home full time with our son. It comes with no surprise that this lifestyle comes with sacrifices. On the upside I get to spend my time raising our boy in the way we see best, getting to witness his milestones and see him grow. On the downside we are quickly outgrowing our apartment without the funds for a home right now and have the travel bug… but can’t afford to travel. Bills pile up and last night Clay hit me with a sobering statement “Let’s pray about you going back to work”. I immediately grew cold and started to cry. Going back to work hadn’t even been on my radar and suddenly it was something that I was being faced with.
The reality of possibly going back to work terrifies me. Before I was married and a full time mother I worked as a teacher. Admittedly I hated it, it was not the job I felt gifted for. Then I became a mom and suddenly found how wonderful motherhood was and how perfectly I fit the role. Now I’m faced with a dilemma, go back for a period of time and make money so we can travel and have a house while missing out on priceless time with my son, or stay at home and continue to do what I love and wait a few years until Clay and I save enough for a house and travel later when I go back to work when the kids are in school?
Thankfully I know that ultimately this is not my decision alone to make. Clay and I have the hope that in prayer together God will answer in one of 3 ways, Yes, no or not right now. If it is yes, then I need to understand that it is in His will for me to follow his plan and have faith that he has our best interest in me going to work. If it is no, Clay and I will have faith that God will provide the means for us to do his will in his time. We may not have a house next year, it may take 5 years, but we have complete confidence that he will deliver our hearts desire.
This season is one of numerous unknowns; where we will live, if I’ll be working, what God’s plans are for us. It is also a season of faith and humility, knowing that Clay and I don’t know the future and have to trust completely in the omniscience of God while repairing trust and faith in one another. I am prepared to receive an answer I don’t like and know that it will come with trial and difficulty, regardless of the answer He provides. But Clay and I will hold fast to his steadfast promises, unaltered perfection and a love so beyond our understanding that we can take comfort in Him rather than whatever situation we come to face.