Marriage is hands down the most difficult thing I have ever done. It is not always fun, it is sometimes downright awful and in some moments I have thought to myself “Life as a single person was so much easier“. Every day has its moments of both highs and lows and even though on occasion I have to make the conscious effort to love my husband I would never live my life without him. He is my other half, the pb to my j and the love of my life. We are incredibly compatible and so similar I even refer to him as me in male form. We are the couple that people can see are meant to be together. That part of us is only a small glimpse into who we are. Outwardly people see the best of us, inwardly we are broken.
Our brokenness doesn’t stem from a toxic or ruined relationship, rather our brokenness stems from who we are as sinners. Clay and I are so far from perfect as is any person. We cannot flaunt a flawless marriage because a flawless marriage is absolutely unobtainable. And perfection was far from our demonstration to each other two nights ago when we had an explosive fight. Though we don’t fight or even argue often, that night words were exchanged and feelings so deeply hurt I had never imagined marriage could be so awful. Our brokenness had become our arsenal and fired in a heated battle while peace wasn’t reached until today.
During our fight there were two voices in my head, the first telling me my flaws while the second voice was loudly proclaiming “You are broken, but you have been made perfect in me. You are hurt but I can heal you. You are beautiful and I love you but you are broken and require my grace, and so does Clay. Neither of you is better than the other, even if the words exchanged might indicate otherwise.” I realized that even though I felt victim to Clay’s words God had already triumphed over them. I clung to Him in those moments because even though Clay isn’t perfect I knew I could come to the One who is. I could come to God because in grace through faith he had forgiven me, and now Clay was the one who required grace from me.
In those moments of hurt I realized just how tremendously flawed Clay and I are. The misconception that marriage is always easy is so misleading to many people who don’t realize their own brokenness. If you don’t recognize your own brokenness how can you understand and demonstrate grace in moments when it seems like the last thing you want to do? Grace is recognizing that you are just as flawed as your partner, but loving them and understanding forgiveness towards them in moments like ours. Grace is a key element in a Godly marriage because grace will be needed towards one another. It is the gentle hand that heals and is more than just forgiveness, it is mercy. Grace saved me that night, but it was only through God I had peace to be merciful when all I wanted to do was just the opposite.
Christianity doesn’t exempt a couple from undergoing moments of trial, just because Clay and I are believers doesn’t mean our marriage is above any other. Christians still fight, we have moments of weakness and anger and hostility, we make mistakes. The thing that sets us apart as an example isn’t a ‘perfect’ marriage, it is the grace, mercy and forgiveness we demonstrate towards one another as a reflection of the eternal grace, mercy and forgiveness shown undeserving to us by the One who is above any other. A Christian marriage is not easy, it is a conscious effort to love, be patient, kind, humble and merciful. It is work, it is hard and only with God’s grace do we make it work.