Becoming a mom is hard. We all know this. But does everyone really know this? Like, REALLY? Probably not. And that was the problem for me after becoming a mom. I knew motherhood would be hard, but apart from the lack of sleep and financial component no one really explained to me WHY being a mom would be so hard. And without the why I began to ask myself “why me”. I felt alone in my struggles until a few various discussions with friends and family opened my eyes to the fact that I wasn’t alone, on the contrary my feelings were not uncommon. Understanding that I was the norm helped me to validate my emotions. I didn’t classify them as “hormones” anymore, I wasn’t going crazy and it helped me to cope with my issues.
Understanding I was not alone in how I felt after becoming a mother was a relief; but knowing why motherhood is hard before actually becoming a mom would have been so much more helpful. After assessing motherhood and the struggles I personally face here are the top 6 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mom.
1.Time is no longer yours
Before having a baby time was all mine. I could do anything I wanted any time of day with ease, no preparation. Just grab my purse and head out the door on a whim. Time was mine and I could spend it the way I wanted. Yet now that has changed entirely. When I am at home I don’t get the option of just painting my nails, taking a bath or reading a book. Now my time is Ezra time, changing his diaper, play time, story time, bath time, taking walks, comforting him, consoling him, him, him, him.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being with him, but it is a difficult adjustment to say the least. I wake up when he wakes up at the butt crack of dawn and spend my day caring for him. All day I serve my son, and after he goes to sleep and Clay gets home from work I serve him. There is no more time for me, and it is hard.
2. It is hard to juggle the family
I can’t even begin to describe just how hard this is for me personally. I fail miserably at putting my husband first, and child second. Ezra depends on me so completely that I don’t realize how much I am devoting to him and neglecting the needs of my husband. Sometimes it seems as though Clay is the 3rd wheel because of the fact that Ezra and I spend SO much time together. It shouldn’t be that way, it’s not supposed to be that way but I am incredibly guilty of it. There are days I just don’t have the energy, or I am frustrated with Clay, or I’m not getting the help I need. It’s not a Clay thing, it’s a me thing… which brings me to my 3rd point-
3. You have to die to yourself
Motherhood is constantly sacrificial. Even if I don’t have the energy for my family, the patience or the tolerance I have to SUCK IT UP. It’s not about me, it’s not about my happiness or comfort. Sorry, but life is not only about you anymore. If I am in the bath with my book and Ezra wakes up screaming, I get out of that tub to calm him down. If Clay comes home from being on his feet after a 12 hour shift and asks me to put together his dinner while he showers, I get off my duff and do it. What makes me so important that I can’t help him after he works so hard for our family? Sacrifice is part of the deal, but most people ignore that fact.
4. You WILL feel lonely
Being a stay at home mom is such a blessing and I am incredibly thankful for it. However, spending all day every day at home with a person who can’t talk creates a very isolating environment. It didn’t take long after Ezra was born for me to feel left out from my friends. I couldn’t participate in social events, bible study, girl’s nights or Taco Tuesday. I felt as though I was watching everyone else live their life while I was at home behind 4 walls.
5. You might challenge your identity
Prior to having Ezra I worked, I had been a teacher and involved with my friends. After he was born and I was staying at home with him full time I began to feel like nothing was mine anymore. My body was a food bank, my money was what Clay had earned, and there was a lack of possession. Nothing was mine and without ownership my pride was wounded. I felt as though I was an extension of Clay and Ezra rather than my own person, not really knowing who I was anymore.
6. Your body can change permanently
This may be one of the more vain difficulties with motherhood, but nonetheless real. All expectant mother’s know that their body will change throughout pregnancy, expanding to fit the rapidly growing alien inside. However, most mom’s neglect to understand that some of these changes may be permanent. Not every mother is like the Fit Mom’s of IG, getting their 6 pack abs 12 weeks postpartum. In fact very few women are capable of this, and having that standard for the average female is detrimental. Before pregnancy I had a relatively flat stomach, but now I have an unrelenting belly that looks like I am constantly bloated. My uterus just isn’t what it used to be… because I HAD A BABY. So mom’s cut yourself some slack, as long as your healthy and eating nutritional foods and exercising a little each day that’s all that matters.
These are not the only factors that contribute to the difficulties average mom’s face, but these are the things that hit me the hardest. Being prepared for what motherhood brings, both good and bad are equally important, as is knowing that if you’re feeling these things you are not alone. If you need encouragement, message me! Reach out to friends, family and your spouse. You may feel alone, but you are surrounded by support. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those willing to help you 🙂
Have another tip for expectant moms? I would love to hear your feedback. Share it below!
Thanks for reading♥