Monday morning a Tropical Depression hit southwest Florida and like the saying goes, when it rains it pours. This storm had quite the timing and served as a fitting hyperbole to my Monday. The storm was unrelenting, strong and as it is so named, depressing. Sheets of rain pounded down and after getting to bed at 1 am I was abruptly woken at 5 am with cries drifting from the baby’s room. After food, rocking and a song he went back down for another 1 1/2 hours until my actual alarm went off. Groggily I got ready to take on the day, not expecting the storm of events that soon followed. In the haste of getting ready I forgot my morning coffee (it was as bad as it sounds), missed breakfast, lost my wallet, twisted my ankle on the baby gate and forgot the car-seat was already in the Camry and had to haul Ezra through the downpour and Clay’s car battery died. The series of events came pouring down like the torrential rains outside and I was fighting back an overflow of nasty words and salty tears. Everything was bad, stupid coffee, stupid gate, stupid wallet, stupid tropical depression. I was ungrateful and in my fit of anger allowed myself to be dissatisfied with the most simplest of things. The overflowing irritation I felt turned my blessings into complaints and turned what should have been thankfulness into something sinister. The storm seemed to seep from the sky and straight into my heart.
Mornings like Monday put my mind into a funk, I was unhappy with all that I had, it wasn’t enough and I was full of complaints. Our apartment is too small, too cluttered, we are too broke, I am too tired, why can’t we have this, why can’t we have that, and on and on. Living in a town of luxury I am witness to mansions, millionaires and a life of plenty. Strolling the mall I longed for clothes I couldn’t afford, shoes that realistically I’d never wear but wanted anyways. My discontent was a cesspool for greed, a breading ground for jealousy. It started in my mind and grew until it festered in my heart. As my mood grew so did the ugliness inside, taking something good and twisting it into ‘not enough’. Nothing was enough, and that’s when I heard a voice ringing ‘I am’.
God is enough, and we are often quick to forget it. Amidst trying to keep up with the Joneses (sorry Kardashians, I’m old school) it is so easy to lose focus. One small thing can cause our hearts to become jealous and greedy, and we become absorbed in the things we don’t have that we lose sight of the things we do. Our ungratefulness and discontentment completely overshadow the ability to see what blessings God has already been giving to us. So how do we combat a covetous mind and find contentment in what we have already? Pause. Take a moment to reflect on what is most important and praise God for everything you have. Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:11 that ‘I am amply supplied… And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus’. We will never want for what we need, because what we need is Jesus and He has freely given himself to us already. If we cannot be fulfilled with the blood sacrifice of Christ our desire for earthly treasures will never be enough, we will never be content and we will never give Him glory for the things He has given to us.
Yesterday was a sobering reminder of the frailty of my human nature. I am greedy, I am sinful and I am not perfect. I fail constantly and yesterday I failed to see the goodness of my heavenly Father. I was so caught up in my desire for wanting all the wrong things and neglected to focus on glorifying Him for the right One. This morning the storm began to pass and so had my grumbling. In place of complaints I have only praises, praise for my coffee maker, for the gate that keeps my baby safe, for the money in my wallet, and the second car we have. I am content, I am happy and I am thankful, not because the things I have satisfy but because He has already sent me the one thing that can. I don’t need the clothes that yesterday I was so desperately eyeing at the mall, I don’t need a bigger apartment, or a brand new car, but I do need the grace of God for my selfishness and the redemption of my savior. God graciously reminded me that I have all I need and all I need is more than enough, even more than I deserve. All my grumbling and complaining didn’t bring satisfaction, it didn’t bring glory to God and it certainly didn’t bring me happiness. Let go of your jealousies, your greed and discontentment; replace them with the comfort in the knowledge that God is enough and in Him you will always be amply supplied.
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